If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
