we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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