Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
