I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
