I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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