I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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