I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
