I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
its liver damage thursday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
