I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
