I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
