She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
