Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
