The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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