is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
