It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
