it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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