we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
