I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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