go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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