Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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