Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A bitchslap is in order.
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