it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
