If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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