i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if only i could text you this smell
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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