I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
