the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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