Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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