If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
