tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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