She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
