you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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