remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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