Your face is a jimmy john
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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