I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
