I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
