could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
