During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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