when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
