i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
