Me too!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
