At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
