Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
