he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
