eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
