I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
