im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
