Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
