I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
