I want to make a zoo with you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
