Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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