I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
