Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
