My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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