Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
