Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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