cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
