i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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