I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
